he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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