The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
