fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize