Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
