Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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