Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
