Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
