No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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