holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
