I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
