you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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