THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
