you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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