theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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