I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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