yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
soo... how was my night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
