Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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