I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
