what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
where am i from again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
