does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
