dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
