Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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