please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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