Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
