Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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