I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
