honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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