I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize