dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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