we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
