So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
