so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
