Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
