At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize