I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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