i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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