I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
