I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize