dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
