i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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