Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
