just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
