ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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