then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize