Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
