I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
