that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
