i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i think i have two assholes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
