It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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