Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
