whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize