Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
