she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i think my cat just said my name.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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