I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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