shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
