I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
