At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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