Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Two words: nipple clamps
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