Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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