I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
not ubering you a puppy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
