Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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