Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
