this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
