Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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