In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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