I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
