I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize